I work at a switchboard, so as you might imagine, I hear a ton of ridiculous things. Most of which are simply because people don’t think before they speak (I know, I’m guilty of this occasionally too). So, below are just a few reasons why writers shouldn’t write dialogue the way people actually speak.
“I’m trying to find out, how to find out…” – Redundant much?
“This is my granddaughter’s grandmother…” – So that’s how the family tree works!
“Hi, um…I’m looking for…um…I need…um…the…um…” – Stop. Form a complete sentence. Now spit it out.
“Could I speak with [insert name/department]?” – Why is this a question? I’m always tempted to say no.
“Hey, how you doing? You doing good. That’s great. I need…” – Why did you ask if you weren’t going to give me a chance to answer?
Also, when I say “just a moment”, that does not mean “keep talking”.
Some other conversations I just find funny:
Me: “How do you spell the last name?”
Them: “I don’t know. She’s my mother…”
Them: “I need to talk to Amy.”
Me: “Do you know her last name or what department she works in.”
Me: “Well, we have several Amys. So without a name or a department, I don’t know which one to transfer you to.”
Them: “B*tch.” Click.
(No, I’m not trying to help you or anything.)
Last one just to poke fun at myself:
I got a call from another employee. At the end of the call,
Her: “Okay thanks. Love you.”
Me: “Love you too, bye.”
We never spoke of that again.